Things that made me laugh this week - 6/14/26
A double rainbow appeared at the Kennedy Center on Friday right before Trump's name was chiseled off another man's memorial
I wanna start by saying, KNICKS IN FIVE!!! I’m incredibly happy for New York, for Timothée Chalamet, and for all of my friends who appeared to be having one of the greatest nights of their lives last night in a city that was absolutely vibrating. It will never not be funny that the one game the Knicks lost was the one Trump attended—an absolutely perfect example of everything he touches turning to shit.
It is also genuinely hilariously to me, personally, that the Knicks began winning the championship literally the day after I left the city, generating such headlines in my first week living abroad as “NYC IS PEAKING RIGHT NOW,” “THE VIBES ARE IMMACULATE,” “WE’VE NEVER BEEN MORE BACK,” and from Vanity Fair, “NEW YORK IS ALIVE”—the absolute funniest (dark, designed in a lab) possible things to read about a city you just left after nine years. Alanis Morissette could never.
Speaking of a sports team thriving the moment you leave, I also joked aloud last night, right before I elbowed through a crowd at a World Cup watch party in Rio, that Brazil—which was down at that point 0-1 against Morocco—was probably going to score a goal the second I sat on the toilet. And guys, I shit you not (no pun intended), the actual moment I sat on the toilet after standing in a ten-minute line to the bathroom, I heard thunderous cheers. Indeed, Brazil had scored its only goal of the game while I was in the john. (The men I was at the game with told me I had to go get back on the toilet for the remainder of the match if Brazil had any hope of winning. I didn’t, and they tied. Sorry.)
But enough about me, let’s get to Nightcap’s Schadenfreude Weekly:
DC’s weather gods are playing in Trump’s face
First, a double rainbow appeared on Friday evening as workers were about to chisel Trump’s name off the Kennedy Center. A crowd had formed to watch the letters come down, and they all started singing "God Bless America” in unison at the sight of the double rainbow appearing in that moment, which is so corny in a DC way but still kind of iconic.
A judge had ordered Trump’s name removed from the building, because you can’t just add your name to another man’s memorial. And the spectacle of men climbing on to scaffolds to physically rip the letters off was not only humiliating to the president, who demanded a white curtain go up behind the men to shield them from view, but also reminded the world of how shoddily Trump’s name had been added in the first place. They failed to remove the original “the” and got the typeface and spacing of the lettering slightly off, so it kinda gave the impression of
THe DonAlD tRuMp aNd
THE JOHN F. KENNEDY CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS
Absolute clown stuff.
Meanwhile, the weather for tonight’s ridiculous UFC event for Trump’s 80th birthday on the White House lawn is looking downright apocalyptic. Capital Weather and the Weather Channel are predicting scattered severe storms, damaging wind gusts, triple digit heat, possible hail and tornados, and massive gnat and mosquito swarms at the actual event, which is being touted by MAGA as a “return to masculinity.” (Note that an accused rapist and stalker is headlining.)
The White House melted down about the above weather prediction, quote tweeting it with the complaint, “This event is about celebrating America’s unmatched greatness after 250 years — which apparently doesn’t sit well with the friendless loser who wrote this bullshit clickbait headline. Rain or shine, we’re celebrating our great country no matter what.”
I’m going to be watching DC weather updates tonight as I would an Olympic sport, considering that these men fighting in a cage at the White House is so important to Trump that Rubio compared it to JFK putting a man on the moon. (Also, they invited the wrong Jon Favreau.)
Elephant pisses on Texas GOP convention
Republicans paraded an elephant through a convention of the worst people in the world on Friday, which is straight-up animal abuse. But I very much appreciate this elephant peeing all over the floor inside of that arena and stinking it up for them. Team elephant, always.
Great Knicks tweets throughout the week
Massive inflatable shirtless Elon Musk goes up in Times Square
The day SpaceX’s IPO made him the world’s first trillionaire, New York exposed Elon’s nipples and accused him of making AI child porn. (He does.) And since no amount of money can fill the hole in his heart that so desperately craves love and admiration, you know this thing is driving Elon insane.
Lee Raymond, known as the “Darth Vader of global warming,” is dead
The Exxon executive oversaw the biggest corporate merger in the history of the oil industry and fueled America’s climate doubt. Bye.
That’s all for today, folks. xx