Kristi Noem's cross-dressing husband exposed by immigrant sex worker

Donald Trump responded to the revelation about Bryon's double life: "They confirmed it?"

Bryon Noem / Instagram

Hi readers, and happy Trans Day of Visibility to all who celebrate. I don’t know how to gently transition to the subject of today’s newsletter so I’m just going to dive right in: Former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s husband has a “busty bimbo” alter ego who loves to cross-dress in massive fake boobs and leggings and pay thousands of dollars to interact online with adult fetish models. And we know this because an immigrant sex worker, who is likely undocumented, leaked screenshots to the press to get back at Noem for overseeing DHS’s brutal ICE raids and inhuman concentration camps.

The story, which was published today by the Daily Mail along with a trove of explicit texts and photos of Bryon wearing wonky double Fs, wasn’t met with the denials you would expect. Kristi Noem was reportedly “blindsided” and “devastated” by the story and asked for “privacy and prayers at this time” for herself and her family. And Donald Trump had the most hilarious possible response: “They confirmed it?” he told the Daily Mail reporter. “Wow, well, I feel badly for the family if that’s the case, that’s too bad.”

After the story published, Axios reporter Marc Caputo just went ahead and tweeted that he nearly had the same scoop—and it came from an immigrant sex worker seeking revenge against Kristi.

Now, here’s why we’re allowed to laugh at and even be enraged by this situation. It’s not because anyone on the left gives a shit about a man with a cross-dressing kink. Lord knows we don’t care what folks do in their private lives if it isn’t hurting other people, and I frankly don’t see that much difference between Bryon Noem putting on a breast plate and Kristi doing this weird cosplay in full kit:

Is this gender affirming care?

Rather, the problem here is that in addition to this kind of salacious, gender-bending scandal leaving one of Trump’s cabinet members wide open to blackmail by a foreign government, Kristi Noem has been prominently serving in an administration that is actively trying to torture queer and trans people and eliminate them from public life under the banner of some kind of moral and religious superiority.

Just this morning, Trump’s hand-picked Supreme Court sided with a Christian “therapist” in Colorado who challenged the state’s ban on conversion therapy for gay and trans kids. The plaintiff in Chiles v. Salazar had argued that rather than trying to “convert” her clients, she was just trying to help them “with their stated desires and objectives in counseling, which sometimes includes clients seeking to reduce or eliminate unwanted sexual attractions, change sexual behaviors, or grow in the experience of harmony with one’s physical body.” We know that conversion therapy is akin to child abuse and torture and can lead to lasting psychological problems. But in his opinion, Justice Gorsuch of course agreed with the plaintiff that Colorado’s ban “censors speech based on viewpoint”—essentially ruling that talk therapy is a kind of free speech, rather than medical care subject to state regulation.

JD Vance is currently promoting a book about his faith called Communion while railing against “radical gender ideology.” Pete Hegseth has been going on insane rants about Christianity and divine assistance in his Holy Crusade against Iran while purging the military of gay and trans people and bombing Iranian elementary schools. And Kristi Noem is asking for prayers about her husband’s huge boob fetish while children are dying in American detention centers because their food is full of worms.

So yes, we are allowed to delight in Noem’s humiliation right now and marvel at the exposure of her and her party’s hypocrisy, once again. She shot her puppy, slept with her campaign manager on taxpayer-funded private jets, enriched herself and her boyfriend through illegal government contracts, turned the mass suffering and incarceration of innocent brown people into social media content about herself, and deserves to be tarred and feathered and bullied for the rest of her life.